Desire

Hello all.

It's been awhile. I've been busy.

I went home for Easter. It was a sweet time with the family. We watched some old videos just converted to DVD (so brilliant) of past holiday gatherings. It was good to see our family all together...the past couple years have been hard. Big changes, divorces, hard feelings, more time inbetween gatherings. It's hard to come together and feel complete with people missing. It's also hard to talk about these things because they are so personal, not really a topic for extended family gatherings. For me, watching those videos of happy times and sharing a laugh about so and so's hair or god awful style was very heart warming (it was the 80's). I wish I could heal the hurt and broken relationships so at least my grandparents could feel good about their family. It's very hard on my grandma. But there are some things one cannot touch. The best you can do is remember and share stories and know that the past is a part of now and change is the only constant. It's hard to let go of expectations about how you want your family to be. I struggle with that all the time.

I was listening to NPR yesterday and the topic was human desire. Pretty interesting stuff to me. Something I think about a lot is why we want the things we do and how to be satisfied and happy. This is simple and complex stuff. The author suggested that happy people desire the stuff they already have. In a way I guess this is the classic cliches of giving thanks, not taking for granted, counting your blessings...and so on. He also talked about the effect of natural disasters and death. How the bad stuff adjusts our life satisfaction and desires. How material items matter very little, and how thankful you can feel even if you have "lost everything."

A very sad event happened in my neighborhood this week. My good friend miscarried her 7 month old baby. The more I think about it, the harder it is to put any feeling into words. I know that we all feel the heartache of loss with them, a dream unrealized, a baby unborn. The depth of their sadness I may never touch.

But I do believe that the hard parts of life make the simple good things so much sweeter. I know that the pain of a heart ache is very real. But how amazing is it just to feel that much sadness all at once?

People are so resilliant. I see that everyday in the nursing home where I work. There are some completely heart breaking stories out there. How about the woman who's kids bought her a Caribean cruise for her 90th birthday and she falls stepping onto the boat in Florida, only to break her hip and have to be flown back to Wisconsin for surgery and a stay at the nursing home. She never did go on that cruise. Or what about the pilot in his 50's who was thrown off his motorcycle, only to end up with a spinal cord injury, paralyzed and totally dependent on people. He and his wife are going through quite a time. I think they will make it but it is a long hard road. He went from flying planes to needing someone to brush his teeth. How do people even keep on? His attitude is amazing to me though.

One thing I battle is this notion that we should find happiness in our own lives and be thankful for what we have after we see how miserable other people are. Like if you see someone suffering, you should be thankful that it's not you. True happiness comes must from within. I want to be grateful without having to compare my life to someone's misfortune. I do feel so blessed in many ways.

I haven't come up with any brilliant ways to ease suffering or help people with their pain. Mostly, as a therapist I just try to be there with people. Show them ways to move through the event, but also ways to just be where they are and have faith that it won't last forever. Change is the only constant.

It is the person who experiences a life with great width and depth, the sheer size of emotion that really feels alive. I would think that no number of trophies or diamonds or shoes would ever reveal life in a better way than through great sadness and joy. The author on the radio ended with an interesting question. What would you desire if you were the last person on earth?